24 Hours of Silence: An Inward Journey to Mindfulness and Balance

It always amazes me how the subconscious and unconscious mind are constantly at work. My very first dopamine detox came as a calling from within, an acknowledgment that I had to stop running and truly face myself. That first step eventually led me to a cold shower, where I felt another calling—to attempt a three-day fast. From there I continued to follow this path which brings me to my latest calling, a call to silence.

In a recent journal entry, during a particularly challenging period, I described a feeling as though my mouth was sealed shut. I had no voice, nor did I have the desire to speak. This feeling stayed with me and would come and go often since. In the past, I had a habit of dismissing my inner struggles, brushing them aside and carrying on. Each time, though, it left me unbalanced, stuck in a cycle of despair born out of dishonesty with myself.

It took time, but I’ve finally learned to honor the deeper parts of myself. To listen.

So, when this reemerging call to silence kept finding its way to me, I decided to listen. While what I really wanted was the structure of a seven-day silent retreat with Buddhist monks, I knew that wasn’t an immediate possibility. Instead, I decided to take a simpler, yet powerful first step: a 24-hour vow of silence. This would give me a chance to deepen my meditations, mindfulness practices, and further take me on an inward journey of self-discovery. Hopefully it will also prepare me for that structured 3-10 day silent meditation retreat in the near future.

The Journey Begins

When I said my last words, it became real in a way I hadn’t expected. Silence is not foreign to me—I’ve spent several days, even weeks in nearly complete silence in the past —but to commit to silence, to not be allowed to speak, was something else entirely. It reminded me of my short lived days in Jiu Jitsu, in a particular sparring match where I once panicked—not because I was in pain, but because I felt trapped. That same feeling of suffocation rose within me during the first hour. My immediate response was wanting to escape.

But I didn’t. I surrendered.

I spent my first hour walking mindfully through a neighborhood. I passed a mangy stray cat lying on top of a garbage can. Its missing eye gave it a hardened appearance, and when I approached, it growled at me. I saw its hostility as the inevitable result of its life experiences—a reflection of how pain and neglect can shape a being. Yet, when I returned later, that same cat surprised me. It approached me, rubbed against my shoe, and purred. This interaction dismantled my assumptions and reminded me of the complexity of life, even in its harshest forms. I could feel this deeper layer of mindfulness that rarely comes to me allowing me to connect to that unfortunate stray cat. I hoped in that moment, that even if I only offered it a few minutes of comfort and attention, that maybe it could positively impact its life in some way. I did understand with certainty however that, typically I would not have looked twice at this creature. I could sense that my mind and heart were both opening up.

Resistance and Surrender

The day was not without challenges. Being out with my family was difficult. I had to type responses on my phone to communicate at times, and my daughter tested boundaries a bit more than usual. Later on when in solitude, I felt the pull of my old habits: the desire to escape into distractions like TV shows or social media. But I resisted. I meditated instead, confronting the discomfort and letting it pass.

Through these moments of surrender, I began to notice profound shifts. As I trapped my words within, it felt as though my emotions were trapped as well—forcing me to confront them rather than cover them with meaningless words. There was a powerful realization in this: my voice is deeply tied to my sense of self, and without it, I felt a disconnection that challenged my identity. This disconnection, however, opened a door to deeper self-awareness.

Meditation and Breakthroughs

Meditation became the cornerstone of my experience. With the external noise removed, I delved into deeper layers of thought and emotion. I reflected on past moments of surrender: giving up safety, comfort, nourishment, and even sanity in pursuit of growth. This vow of silence was another step on that path, teaching me to let go of my voice and the identity tied to it.

One meditation, in particular, brought significant clarity. I envisioned a tree, its roots growing deeper into the earth while its branches swayed freely in the wind. This balance between firm stability and adaptable flexibility became a metaphor for my life. It reminded me that true harmony comes from embracing opposites—yin and yang—without clinging to one or rejecting the other.

Lessons Learned

1. Silence is Not the Enemy: Silence is a gateway to mindfulness. It allowed me to observe my thoughts and emotions without judgment or distraction.

2. The Power of Words: The more I say, the less intentional and and less meaningful my words become. The more I speak, the more I identify my sense of self with what I say. Ultimately, unnecessary words dilute the essence of being.

3. Emotional Regulation: Though I didn’t cry as I thought I may, I ended the experience without needing to. I found clarity instead, receiving what I needed rather than what I expected.

4. Balance: For possibly the first time, I truly understood the balance between opposites—physical and spiritual, external and internal. This continues to be a lifelong struggle and in this practice, I have made a giant leap forward on my path to finding balance.

5. Connection: The silence reconnected me with the world while allowing me to stay grounded in the emotional and spiritual space opened by my depressive episode.

What’s Next

This journey has inspired me to make silence a regular part of my life. Moving forward, I plan to:

1. Incorporate Silence and Meditation: I now understand how deeply these practices complement each other and will prioritize them in my routine.

2. Book a Vipassana Retreat: A 10-day silent meditation retreat in Ubud, Bali, will likely be the next step in my journey.

3. Pursue Balance: Balancing the yin and yang of life—stability and surrender—will remain a focus as I navigate the challenges ahead.

Closing Thoughts

This 24-hour vow of silence was more than just an exercise in discipline; it was a portal to deeper understanding. It stripped away distractions, exposed the noise within, and revealed the answers I had been seeking. Silence is not something to fear—it is a tool for connection, clarity, and peace.

If you feel a call toward silence, I encourage you to listen. Set your intentions, embrace the discomfort, and allow yourself to flow through the experience. You may find, as I did, that silence has more to say than words ever could.

Much love,

Jason